Letter #111: Our Marriage Project

January 19, 2011

(This was the letter I wrote for this blog yesterday…if you need to add another blog to your reading, this is it. Trust me. Back to regular posting tomorrow!)

Here are some of my reader’s favorite posts if you’re new to this blog:

Letter #77 ‘DTR’ Via Christmas Gifts

Letter #39: Called to Greatness

Letter #71: Grocery Store Dating

Letter #68: Blue Bell, Boyfriends, Blogging


Dear marriage,

Hmmm…interesting letter to write considering you are nowhere near a possibility in my life currently. Nonetheless, my dear friends from @marriageproject asked me to discuss what I expect marriage to be like and how it fits in with God’s plan for my life. Well, let’s just cut to the chase!

You scare me. I think you have to be the most difficult endeavor. You require two very selfish idiots to come together as one. This is a combination for disaster. You’re not like work…there’s no 5 o’clock. You never end. You require constantly being engaged, communicating and interacting even when you don’t feel like it. I think you’re a daily choice that must include effort and hard work.

Now that I’ve stripped you of all goodness, I also expect you to be one of the neatest endeavors. You provide a person to do life with, laugh with, encourage, challenge, love, process with and a steadfast friend. You are the closest picture this side of heaven of Christ and the Church. You are, at least supposed to be, unconditional love, an example of unselfishness, service of others and maybe my favorite, willing to take on ALL of somebody else’s junk just like Christ takes on our sin.

So, I guess my expectations are very lopsided. I would describe them as realistic. Who knows if they’re anywhere close to reality, but in the meantime, I’m waiting. Waiting for the right guy. The guy I can serve the Lord better with because he’s standing by my side. I’m waiting for what God intended. I’m waiting for intimacy. In reality, I’m not waiting. I’m actively running to the Lord.

Our society seems to tell us life doesn’t begin until we find the man of our dreams (woman for the fellas) and do life with him. Senior year of college is filled with candlelights, summers are jam packed with weddings, marriage blogs are read enviously and pity parties for singleness occur because family and friends constantly ask for the dating update. We’re set up for failure. We long for you and miss out on what is right in front of us. I refuse to let this happen in my life.

Single, married, old, young, black, white, Christian or non-believer, we’re all looking for our purpose in life. What career should I pursue? Who should I date? What city should I move to? The list goes on, but we want to know our purpose, what I would call the will of God. Biblically, I don’t think these things really worry God too much. I think we’ve created this need for specifics. At the end of the day, the Lord just wants me. He wants you. I honestly believe He could care less what college and career path we choose. This sounds heartless, but I’m thankful the Lord is bigger than my choices. If I’m pursuing the Lord and becoming more like Christ, then the Lord will honor that. He will provide direction. We will be in God’s will.

I hope to marry one day. In Kyle and Jen’s words, I hope you ‘fit in with God’s plan for my life,’ but what I’ve realized is you are not the pinnacle of life. You don’t define us. We aren’t defined by marital status. I’m defined by Christ and the fact He saved a worthless, wretched soul from hell. So, I choose to look to the day I get to spend eternity with God as life’s pinnacle rather than my wedding day. Sure I get sidetracked with you at times, but thinking eternally puts perspective on the ‘smallness’ of you. Until then or death (we’re not promised marriage), I’m striving for what I believe is biblically the will of God: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; (1 Thess. 4:3).”

Well heck, what does sanctification mean? Simply, to be made holy or to become more like Christ. I’m convinced this is what God wants from us. I fail in it incessantly, but I will continue to let this define me rather than my relationship status.

Defined by Christ, but would love to experience you eventually,

Prayerfully finding contentment in singleness through the Lord



  1. This was wonderful. Condsider me a new Blog Reader…

    • Thanks Brooke…look forward to keeping up with Rural gone Urban as well!

  2. that letter rocks! Think I can hire you to mentor a couple of my kids? 🙂
    Wrote about this very topic a few years ago. Hope you don’t mind me posting a link to it.


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