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Letter #136: ‘Twas the Day Before Valentine’s…

February 13, 2011

Dear ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas,

Hope you don’t mind, but I changed your words yet again. This time to fit the day before Valentine’s Day (also see ‘Twas the Night Before Bedlam and ‘Twas the Day Before Christmas). You’re always a great sport, and somehow this has become somewhat of a tradition nearly each month! Here goes nothin’…

 

‘Twas the day before Valentine’s Day all through the USA,

Everyone is frantically finalizing their plans for their day.

You started long, long ago with your origins in a saint,

Oh how your connotations have changed and religious you ain’t.

 

An entire day set apart to celebrate our loved ones is good in theory,

Yet, all the pressure that comes along with V-day makes me a bit leery.

It’s as if we’re forced to tell our loved ones we care,

Too bad we don’t do it more often, with this to you I dare.

 

Today, nearly every girl in America is looking for and hoping she has a date,

While every guy is realizing he tried to get out of it too late!

We’re set up for failure in the 2nd grade at a very young age,

When all we’re hoping for is a “Hey Dude” valentine from Jason, Blake and Sage.

 

While couples send flowers and write sweet love notes

And look in their wallets to realize they just went broke,

Singles everywhere are secretly wishing they had a valentine

Behind their mask of saying they don’t need anyone to be mine.

 

Hallmark is grateful for what you have become over the years,

Commercialized mayhem is what brings people to tears.

But know if you don’t have a big Valentine’s date,

You are still awesome, loved and really great!

 

Restaurant reservations will be off the charts

All to tell someone they’ve captured your heart.

In reality, you’re just another excuse to get some tongue,

But you must climb the ladder to get there with sweet gestures rung after rung.

 

As overrated as the 14th of February is

We all want to be celebrated, loved and recognized as his.

The acknowledgement doesn’t have to be large,

But boys, trust me, do something and show you can take charge.

 

Now chocolates! now, dinners! now, candles and dates!

On surprises! On, letters! On flowers and cakes!

From the depths of our hearts, to the depths of our souls!

We can’t wait to be picked up and get this date on a roll.

 

As I brace myself for my absolute favorite holiday (not!),

Let the sappy sayings and candy hearts begin “I like you” to say.

You truly are cheesy, and I’ll try not to make fun with all my might;

Happy Valentine’s Day to all, and to all a good-night!

 

Happy Early Valentine’s Day!

Changer of words at my convenience, again

 

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